The holiday season is here! Time for joy, time for cheer – and time for kids to learn the true meaning of Christmas by drafting incredibly long must-have lists for Santa! After all, nothing says, “spirit of Christmas” quite like a big pile of toys! I have to admit, though, that no matter how ridiculous I think it is that Christmas nearly necessitates the draining of my bank account, I sure do like to see the rugrats’ eyes light up on Christmas morning, when they see the spread I (er, Santa) laid out for them. This magical moment, brought to you by mommy’s paycheck, stays magical for about how long it takes for the batteries to go in and the noise to begin. Then the magic subsides to a dull headache. Just for you, and just because I’m so nice, I’ll tell you what to avoid this year. Here is a list of five annoying toys you hope your kids won’t get this Christmas:
Zhu Zhu Pets. If you think hamsters are a pain in the butt, then try battery operated hamsters – battery operated hamsters that sing in really shrill voices, and that get stuck under furniture, and that have motion sensors so that they scare the living daylights out of you every time you walk past said furniture. Yeah. Enough said.
Fischer Price Corn Popper Push Along. This is an annoying classic that just won’t go away. And that’s probably because every time I push it somewhere to hide it, the kids hear the “POP! POP! POP!” and come to its rescue.
Talking Elmo. It doesn’t matter which Elmo you buy – Chicken Dance Elmo, Learn to Dress Elmo, Trash Talking Elmo . . . whatever. Elmo talks way too much. And the whole referring to himself in third-person thing is just plain creepy.
Anything with a microphone. Frustratingly enough, these godforsaken toys flood the market, and they scream for attention. In order to imagine how annoying these toys can be, picture a really bad, drunk karaoke singer . . . then picture waking up to that karaoke singer at 6:30 on a Sunday morning.
Play Doh. I’d love to meet the brilliant minds who decided this was a good idea, so that I could smear some Play Doh into their new carpet.
Okay, so you probably won’t be able to prevent your friends and family members (especially those who don’t know better, or who don’t like you) from purchasing these annoying gifts for your children. But, what you can do (and probably the only thing you can do besides run away from home) is to purchase yourself a big mug, fill it with egg nog, and drink. That’s right. And then drink some more. Merry Christmas.
Inge Kady loves her children. Their toys? Not so much. When she’s not scraping play doh out of the carpet she can be found studying day trading, Bakken Drilling, and the environment.
